Well I’m an official high school graduate. And I’m 18. Seems like that’s a lot to happen in one week, but it really isn’t. I haven’t done anything anyway.
Only recent thing to happen in my life? Well, there’s this guy. Once again a guy I have no chance with. He’s not gay for once, but there are other circumstances that keep anything from happening. I just have the worst luck with guys ever. Sometimes I wonder if a guy will ever take a genuine interest in me.
Maybe if I just didn’t.. like guys so easily. But it’s not like I can help that, really.
Though I can say that this guy is one of the first where I can actually be around him and not feel too awkward. It’s a little more awkward then I felt before he knew, but still not bad.
Not very often do I like a guy so much that I feel he needs to know about it. It’s just this.. thing that I feel like I need to get off my chest or I’m going to like.. explode. But I couldn’t do it myself. My friend David did it. And then afterward he told me he already knew anyway. But how was I supposed to know that he knew? Would have made things a lot easier for me if I knew that he knew though. Maybe. I don’t know. I had a suspicion that he knew, but I didn’t know for sure.
Even without those other circumstances that I didn’t say what they were before.. he’s leaving soon. Out of the country. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be. But then again that’s how it always seems with me. I think I’m used to it by now. It’s almost gotten to the point where… I have no idea where I’m going with that thought.
I think that.. as long as I don’t get my hopes up about anything.. no matter what he says.. I’ll be okay. That way I’ll be a lot less dissapointed when nothing ever happens.
If it weren’t for some stuff.. who knows? I might actually even.. hope for something. But I can’t do that to myself. I’ve done it before, and I just don’t like being hurt. At least if I just leave it alone.. almost everyone’s happy.
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